Bonkers Squad Ep1: A Stitch in Time Saves Nine Toons
by deadlegato
Summary: Bubba Bear is gifted a remote that is capable of controlling time. Bubba wants to roll back time to five years ago, when he was a popular Toon celebrity. It's up to Bonkers and Miranda to stop him.
1. Chapter 1

"Welcome to Frank's Fabulous Furniture, where we're offering deals so great, you can BEAR-LY believe them," the blue Toon bear said, waving at the young couple who had just wandered in. The girl made a strange face at him.

"Do we know that Toon?" she whispered to the man walking next to her.

"Yeah, he's Bubba Bear. I used to watch his show as a kid. He was like the… first mate on a pirate ship and he was always messing up the Captain's plans. Something like that. Didn't you watch Saturday morning cartoons?"

"Apparently not the same ones you did," she scoffed.

It was raining on and off outside, the sky grey and depressing. Only a few customers were wandering around Franks. Most of them were either young or dressed in clothes that had seen better days. If you had money, you wouldn't be at Frank's. And that went for the employees.

Bubba wandered over to the only child in the place, clinging to the side of a blonde woman. "Hello there, I'm Bubba. Would you like a balloon?" he asked, grinning broadly.

"NO!" she cried, pulling harder on her mother's pants.

"I'm sorry, she's in that NO phase," the woman said, eyes and voice weary. "You sure you don't want a balloon, honey?"

"NO!" the girl shouted again, emphatically.

"Honey… maybe you can help us. Do you have any matching Happy Frog bed sets?"

Bubba cringed internally. "Why… yes… actually… in our special sale end cap."

"Oh, no wonder I couldn't find it! Stores are always moving things around just to confuse their customers… Oh! I'm sorry! I mean, I know you aren't the one who decides where things go. I just- I didn't mean-"

"It's okay, let me take you to them," Bubba said quietly, leading them across the store. As he showed them the sheets, he noticed a rack of DVDs with bright red clearance stickers on them. One of those DVDs was the first season of his old show. It was marked down to less than five dollars.

"We…um… we have some really great DVDs over here if you'd like to take a look," Bubba said nervously.

"Oh, they make you upsell too? Poor thing," the woman said. "But we don't have a DVD player. We get everything off iTunes and Netflix."

"Oh… okay…" Bubba said. Realizing his help wasn't wanted, he wandered off to find other customers. He stopped in front of a row of televisions. Shirley Wright was interviewing Bonkers, and a young blonde woman in a police uniform that he didn't recognize.

"So it's the five year anniversary of the founding of the Toon Division. Can you tell me how you feel about that?"

"Awesome!" Bonkers cried.

"BUBBA!" a voice shouted directly in his ear. He jumped, accidentally releasing his balloons. They floated up to the ceiling.

A Toon Donkey stood behind him. Watching the balloons float up, he sighed and shook his head. "Bubba, it took me a lot of begging to get my boss to let you do this promotion. If he sees you just loafing around watching television, it's my butt he'll be up on."

"Sorry, Dan, I…" he turned slightly back. The news had gone onto another topic. "I was just reminded it's been five years since our show got cancelled."

"Yes. In the meantime, the rest of us moved on with our lives. You're the only one who didn't, and you're the only one who-" Dan stopped. "Sorry, it's been a long day, sorry, that was… why don't you take the sign out and stand along the main road? It's not raining now; maybe you can draw in some customers. Now that you're out of balloons, that is," he said, walking off with one last glance to the ceiling.

Bubba went up to the road with the sign. Even though it had stopped raining, the ground and streets were still wet. The soaked ground squished beneath his feet. He stood quietly, shaking the sign as cars passed. As he was doing so, a blue van with one red side door intentionally zoomed over, hitting the puddle he was standing next to and throwing a cascade of water over him. He was able to see the adults in the front seat laughing wildly while the children in the back looked on with wide, horrified eyes. He knew exactly what lesson those children had just learned, and it made him sick.

Fortunately, the rest of his shift passed without incident. A few cars honked, although whether they were supportive honks or not, Bubba couldn't tell. He was soaked through and shivering thoroughly when one of the other employees, a human woman with dark brown hair, came quickly up the embankment to where he was standing. "Bubba, it's time to close. Come back in," she said. She looked him over. "Are you okay, you're shivering?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I got lots of fur. Once I dry off I'll be right as-" he paused.

"Right as rain, odd phrase for today," she nodded. "Come on, maybe you can talk Dan out of one of the cheapest towels we have."

"I doubt that," he scoffed quietly.

"What?" she asked, turning around.

"Nothing," he said, following her without further conversation.

Back at the store, Dan was covering things up and preparing to leave. He looked up briefly when Bubba entered. He sighed as he smoothed out the covering. "So… five years, huh?"

"Five years. They were interviewing Bonkers about it."

"Bonkers? Oh, right, the Toon cop."

"The Toon cop who saved my life," Bubba said indignantly. "And probably saved you too! That crazy guy might have come after the rest of my crew next, including you!"

"Maybe. Maybe not," Dan said. He had finished his preparations and stood upright to stretch his back and arms. "Hey, I need to get your new address. You're moving soon, right?"

"End of the month… sold most of my things to an auction house that deals in Toon memorabilia."

Dan saw Bubba's shoulders slump. Dan patted him on the arm. "Hey… it hurts now, but you'll feel freer without all those material possessions. It'll help you move on."

Bubba jerked away from Dan. "Move on, move on. What if I don't WANT to move on?"

"It's not a matter of want, Bubba, it's a matter of have to- Bubba!" Dan shouted. Bubba, however, was long gone, having turned tail and bolted out of the store. Tears were stinging in his eyes, and he didn't want Dan to see them. He wasn't paying attention to where he was stepping, and slid on a wet spot. He fell over, falling partially out into the street. A car dodged him, blaring its horn as it went by. Bubba quickly picked himself up and continued down the street.

"Hey, I saw the report on your anniversary," Dennis said loudly, coming around a corner. Miranda, who had been checking her office mail, jumped. "Oops, didn't mean to startle you."

"I saw it last night too," Miranda answered while waiting for her pulse to return to normal. "It was… unusually flattering, for my sister. Even the 'hero or wrecking ball: you decide' part." She shut her mailbox.

"You still get mail by post?" Dennis asked, watching Miranda sort.

"Mostly just ads now-a-days. My sister calls me a, ahem, technological luddite. Says I'm the only person left who checks her physical mail before her email." She raised an eyebrow. "Hey, how did you check that broadcast if you were working last night?"

"Saw it before my shift. I'm just about to head home now."

"That explains why you're so perky," she smiled, sorting the junk mail into the appropriate recycling bins.

"Last night really kept us on our toes. Must have been a full moon or something, all the nutcases were out in full. Hey, hey, let me tell you the best one. Picture this- we get a call from a family, saying their van has been vandalized. Sounds pretty normal, right? But when we get there, van's a big heap of rust- and get this- they claim the rust is the vandalism!"

"I'm not sure I follow," Miranda responded, crossing her arms over her chest.

"They claimed someone rusted their car while they were shopping. If that isn't the most blatant attempt at insurance scamming I've heard yet, I can't tell you what is," Dennis said with a laugh and a shake of his head.

"Hi, guys, what you talking about?" Bonkers asked, bounding in with his usual enthusiasm and waving vigorously at both of them.

"Dennis was just telling me about his interesting night," Miranda informed him.

"You two should focus less on other people's interesting nights and more on your own interesting day," Grating snapped, appearing from seemingly out of thin air. "Toon's wife reports he left this morning, but his work called to say he never arrived. Normally we wait 24 hours before dealing with missing persons- or missing Toons- but there are signs of foul play in this one. Talk to the wife and the boss, see if you can piece together where he went between here and there," he said, tossing them a case file. As Grating stalked off, Dennis looked at Miranda in surprise.

"He still uses physical repots instead of sending them to your department issued laptop?"

"Us technical luddites need to band together, I guess," Miranda said with a shrug. "Come on, Bonkers, time for us to get to work."

The previous day, Bubba arrived home around seven, completely exhausted. As he entered his darkened front hallway, he tripped over something. He flicked on the lights, and found a small box wrapped in brown paper at his feet. He picked it up. "To Bubba Bear, from an old fan," he read. There was no postage- someone had hand delivered it, which was slightly creepy. But it had been so long since someone had said they were his fan, Bubba ignored the nervous voice in the back of his head and tore it open.

Instead was a sleek black television remote with a golden Y in a fancy script on the bottom. Bubba turned it over, unable to see a brand listed. "Television remote? Why would anyone send me a television remote? I can't even tell what brand it is for," Bubba puzzled out loud. Maybe it's universal, he thought, and aimed it at his television. The television, DVD player, and VHS player all lit up.

Oh, so it is universal, Bubba thought. It's a really nice universal remote too. It looks expensive. He made himself a cup of hot cocoa, and settled down. He hadn't packed his couch or his media stand yet- those would be the last to go in the truck. Every night he sat by himself and watched re-runs of his old shows. He knew ever y line, no, every word by heart. Even the ones that weren't his lines.

He reached the episode "Bubba's Bubonic Plague." The plot of the episode was that he came down with the common cold but his ship-mates became convinced he had the plague, hijinks ensued, ect ect. The episode had been filmed while he was out of country on a promotional tour, and thus, he wasn't actually in it beyond his voice dubbed in later. For that reason, Bubba had no interest in watching that episode. He picked up his new report and clicked fast forward.

To his shock, the screen on his television suddenly cracked, splintering into dozens of pieces. Dust covered it over, dust and spider webs coming seemingly out of thin air. Bubba's eyes grew as huge as saucers as he watched this television, his DVD player, and his speakers crumble into dust. "What… what… just…" He looked down at the remote in his paw. "You did this!" he screamed, throwing it down on the ground.

Equally suddenly, before his eyes, his entertainment set re-assembled itself from the dust. The cracks healed. The spider webs went away. The faded colors began to return to brilliance. The scratched screen became crystal-clear again. Everything returned to as if he had just bought it, even though the unit was several years old. Then, to further his surprise, parts began disappearing off of the unit, vanishing into nothing.

Bubba picked up the remote with shaking paws and hit play. The missing pieces began reappearing, and Bubba realized he was watching the pieces being added as if it were going down the assembly line at the factory. When everything was complete and back to brand-new, he hit stop. He slowly approached the unit and touched it. He couldn't believe what he had just seen.

Bubba didn't know why he went or where he was going, but he put on his coat, stuffed the remote in his pocket, and walked out into the rain. It was somewhere around nine or nine-thirty that he walked past the grocery store. His head was spinning. He was trying to figure out not only what he had in his possession, but what to do with it. Why him? Was he chosen? Who would give him such a thing?

He looked up right at that moment and saw a familiar blue van with one red side door. Without even really thinking, as if someone else were controlling his body, he lifted his hand. He aimed the remote at the van, and hit fast forward. He watched it start to rust right before his eyes, the windows shattering, the seats tearing open… NO! He hit stop and turned and ran. He couldn't believe what he had just done. Part of his brain was screaming to go back and make things right. Another part was screaming just to run away as fast as possible.

He rounded a corner, slid on an oily puddle, and fell on his back. His first thought was to immediately check the remote. It was fine. He then flopped over and lay on his back, staring up at the sky. The confused parts of his brain settled down and his ragged breathing became even again. Then, a new voice began to speak up in his head. That was justified, it said. That was deserved. That was revenge. That was POWER, Bubba, pure power.

He slowly sat up, dirty water running down his fur and soaking his clothes. He suddenly knew exactly why he had been chosen to receive the remote, and what to do with it.

Bonkers and Miranda arrived at the Key household in their battered patrol car. Mona Key, a smallish grey monkey Toon in a housedress and giant blue head ribbon, greeted them at the door and welcomed them inside. She was extremely nervous. "I've never… really had to talk to the police before," she said quietly.

"You can think of that as a good thing," Miranda said softly, in a comforting voice.

"Means you don't get into trouble often!" Bonkers added cheerfully.

"Well, I think my husband may be in trouble this time. His name is Dan, Dan Key. Here's his picture," she said, handing them a picture of a Toon donkey in the same color grey as herself. "He's about four foot two… I'm not sure what he weighs, since he gained some middle age spread he's been kind of sensitive about- sorry, I'm rambling."

"It's okay," Miranda said. She was writing in a physical notebook. Bonkers was fumbling with the 'department-issued' laptop Dennis had spoken of earlier. "Why don't you tell us why you think your husband is in trouble?"

"Well… he has to leave for work about six to open the store at eight. He's very dedicated."

"Excuse me, what store is it that he works at?"

"Frank's Fabulous Furniture. It's a discount place, mostly handles furniture other higher-end furniture stores couldn't move and display units. It's not the best place, but he started on the sales floor about four and a half years ago and moved his way up to being the boss' second-hand Toon. He's so proud of how far he's come, that's why I was shocked when his boss called and said his car was there, but he hadn't prepared the store for opening. His boss said-" she paused to sniff. "Said his keys and wallet were still in the car."

"Do you need a moment?" Miranda asked.

"No, no… I'll be okay."

"Is there anything else you can tell us? Like, did he have any enemies? Did he mention someone following him? Did his personality seem to change lately? Did-"

"Bonkers, slow down!" Miranda said sternly. "You're confusing Mrs. Key"

"But these are all the things my drop-down menu says to ask!" Bonkers replied, seemingly hitting random keys.

"No enemies, he was well-liked. He didn't seem to be worried about anything is that is what you are asking. The only thing I can think of is… well he mentioned being a bit frustrated with one of his employees, but he didn't say a name or give me specific details. Maybe his boss would know more?"

"Right, that's where we will head next," Miranda said, standing up. "We might come back later and search your place, if that's okay, but I want to get over and talk to his employers first."

"Absolutely! Absolutely! I'm going to be staying here by the phone until I hear something, just call me."

"Great. Now, what's the best way to get to your husband's place of employment?"

"Miranda, we don't need directions. Our laptop has a GPS!" Bonkers said, shaking it.

"Bonkers, last time we trusted the GPS, it tried to get us to drive off a bridge. I'm getting directions."

Sometime around seven that morning, Dan pulled up to the store. He was always the first one to arrive, and prepared everything for the employees who would arrive later, including two kinds of coffee. He would then work eight until closing at five, when he would go home, with an hour off for lunch. He preferred opening over closing. Usually the closing staff had cleaned things up well, so deciding what flavors of regular and decaf he would offer the staff each day and preparing the tills were the toughest things he had to do.

He wasn't prepared to see Bubba waiting for him in the parking lot. He opened the door cautiously. "Bubba? I don't have you on shift to work the sale until noon," he said, gesturing to Bubba with one hoof-hand.

"I'm not here to talk about the furniture store. I'm here because you and I are going back into show business."

"Bubba, what- Bubba, I told you. I'm out of show business. I'm a furniture sales manager now." He started to walk past Bubba to open the door, but Bubba grabbed his shoulder.

"Being furniture salesmen wasn't our dream, Dan. Making children happy was our dream! The art of acting was our dream!"

"And we lived the dream, Bubba, for several years. That's better than what most who dream of stardom get. But now we live in reality, not dreams. Please, Bubba. I don't want to fire you, so let me through and come back at noon."

Bubba removed the remote from his pocket and looked at Dan with cold, dead eyes. "I was afraid you'd say that," he said, pushing rewind.

Miranda and Bonkers arrived without incident. Bonkers had insisted on turning the GPS on, even though Mrs. Key had told Miranda the directions. Miranda arrived without incident thanks to her talk with Mrs. Key. Bonkers' GPS, however, had tried to direct them to the drive-through of the nearby Arby's.

"I don't get it," Bonkers said, looking at it with crossed eyes.

"Maybe your GPS is hungry. Come on, Bonkers, leave the laptop behind."

"What if someone breaks into our car and steals it?!" he asked, eyes wide.

"Someone's going to break into a police car and steal a police laptop equipped with GPS tracking… although the GPS tracking would probably lead them to the nearest Burger King instead of the unit. We'll lock the doors."

They met Bubba's boss, a paunchy middle-aged man missing a lot of hair. Despite living in California he was pasty-white, suggesting he rarely got out into the sun. "I'm not sure if this was the right thing to do," he said, his voice nasal, "But I had the employees cover up his car and stuff with our furniture drapes to preserve the scene."

It really wasn't, Miranda thought, imagining how the drape might have contaminated the scene. There was no point in yelling at him, though, as the damage had already been done. "Bonkers, put out a perimeter around Dan's car while I talk to Mister…"

"Frank, of Frank's Fabulous Furniture. I'm so famous for my furniture that I only go by Frank."

"I'm going to need a last name for our report, Mister Frank, famous or not," Miranda said dryly.

"Frank Famous," he said. He must have noticed Miranda's incredulous look, as he immediately produced his driver's license. "Had it legally changed. Frank Famous."

"So you did," Miranda said, making a note. "Bonkers have you- BONKERS!"

He was hanging upside down, wrapped in a spider web of police tape. She grabbed him and pulled him out, even though he protested the whole time about how it was sticking to his fur and whined and cried about how it hurt to pull the tape off of it. After rescuing her partner, Miranda took a look over the scene. Dan's keys were indeed still in the car, lying on the seat. His wallet was on the floor next to the pedals, which had been extended for use by short Toon legs.

Miranda pulled out her pale blue gloves and evidence kit. She flipped through Dan's wallet. "There's still a good amount of money in here, identification, credit cards. We're not looking at a robbery." She looked over her shoulder at Frank, who was nervously shifting from leg to leg as he watched. "Is there surveillance tape of the outside of the store?"

"We do have a camera outside to watch the doors… but not the parking lot."

"Bonkers, go inside with Mr. Frank and collect and review that recording." Mostly, she didn't want Mr. Frank constantly staring down her neck as she worked. It made her nervous. When people stared at crime scenes like that, she always wondered if they were making sure nothing was uncovered they didn't want uncovered. Mr. Frank did seem awfully reluctant to follow Bonkers back into the store.

Miranda gave the rest of the car the once-over but didn't find anything of interest. She closed it up and called the crime lab to send out a trailer to collect it. If Dan didn't turn up, the evidence specialists would go over it. If Dan did turn up, he just owes a towing fee.

Inside, Bonkers and Frank watched the video. They got the point where Dan's car turned up, watched him turn off the engine and the lights. Dan got out of his car, and stepped back, then started talking to someone. Unfortunately, the video had no sound, and whoever he was talking to stayed away from the camera.

"Can you lip-read what he's saying?" Frank asked.

"With Toons that's really hard cuz we don't really have lips that form sounds like humans do," Bonkers said, "But I'll try!" he squinted at the screen. "I thiiiiink he's talking about a cheese sandwich."

"A cheese sandwich?"

"Or a pack of wild lemmings…" Bonkers shrugged. On screen, Dan suddenly dropped his keys. He looked confused. He kept touching his head. He pulled out his wallet and put it in the car, then closed the car and kind of backed away as if he were afraid of it. He then turned and walked off camera, seemingly under his own power.

"You see anything?" Miranda asked. Frank and Bonkers both jumped out of their chairs and landed on the floor. Miranda shook her head.

"Dan was talking to someone but we couldn't see who because of where the camera sits," Bonkers informed her as he stood up, brushing off his tussled fur. "He seemed to go with whoever it was voluntarily, or there was a weapon off-screen."

"Great, get the tape in an evidence bag and we'll take it over to-"

"There's going to be a problem with that," Frank spoke up.

"Are you telling me you're going to withhold evidence?" Miranda asked sharply, glaring at Frank.

"No! It's just… there is no physical tape per se. Everything records onto our computer system. I can burn you a DVD though."

Miranda sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine, but don't record over that footage on the original computer until this investigation is resolved."

Frank presented them with the DVD and they walked out together. "What now, brown cow?" Bonkers asked. Some women would have been offended by the use of cow in a phrase directed at them, but Miranda knew Bonkers didn't mean anything offensive by it.

"Well, the guys are on their way to get Dan's car and process it for evidence. We should check with his wife just to make sure none of his credit cards are missing, he might have more than what was left in the wallet."

"He put the wallet in the car himself in the video, he didn't take anything out of it," Bonkers said.

"Oh…" Miranda made a face lined with concentration and thought. Bonkers' cell phone started to ring, breaking her concentration. "Bonkers…"

"It's the Sergeant!" Bonkers said, answering. "Hello… hello… what? Oh no! Okay! Will do!" He hung up.

"What was that?"

"Another missing Toon, Pete Parrot," Bonkers said. "Mrs. Key called her friends before she called us to see if they knew where Dan was. She called all of them except for Pete, who didn't answer. When Pete was still the only one not to call back she got worried and called the Pet Shop where he works. He didn't show up to work either." Bonkers paused. "Maybe Pete was the one talking to Dan on the video and they've gone somewhere together."

"We should get to his employers and get their story."

"No problem-o! Grating is sending Pete's home and work addresses to our laptop. "

TINY CHIBI-FIED BONKERS POPS UP. "Time for a Commercial Break!"


	2. Chapter 2

A CHIBI-FIED FAWN WALKS ACROSS THE SCREEN AND GIVES CHIBI-FIED BONKERS A PECK ON THE CHEEK, WHICH CAUSES HIM TO TURN RED AND TAKE OFF LIKE A ROCKET. "And we're back!"

After a bit of fumbling around, they got the addresses pulled up. After even more fumbling, they tried to find the Pet Store with the GPS. It managed to get them… to the Arby's next to the Pet Store. "What is this thing's obsession with Arby's?" Miranda asked Bonkers, more as a rhetorical question than anything else.

"Maybe it's a Welcome to Nightvale fan?" Bonkers suggested.

"What?"

"Nevah-mind," Bonkers said. They went inside and talked to the owner. They got almost the same story as they had gotten from Frank. Pete had started about three years ago as a bird food expert. He was a dedicated employee, and his knowledge and good salesmanship had increased the store's sales of bird food by exponential amounts. It was unusual for him not to show up on mornings when new shipments of bird seed arrived at the loading dock. At first they thought maybe he had forgotten, but when Mrs. Key called, they got nervous and notified the police of his disappearance as well.

Unlike Dan, however, Pete flew into work and thus there was no vehicle to search. Bonkers and Miranda did a perimeter search, but didn't find any evidence that Pete had been there, unlike Dan's wallet and keys. Deciding it was possible he never left his house or disappeared en route, Bonkers and Miranda went to Pete's apartment complex.

Pete was living alone, but his apartment manager agreed to let them in to look around his apartment. Pete's place was very minimalist. Just his bird post, a small bath, and his seed holder. Of course, lots of newspaper on the floor. The entire floor was covered in newspaper. It figured, he was a bird after all. Miranda checked the dates on the papers. "These were changed yesterday."

"Pete was good about that, he didn't want to lose his deposit," the manager said. He was hanging outside the door, unwilling to enter for fear of getting bird… leavings… on his shoes. Miranda and Bonkers were having to walk gingerly to avoid the same thing. Bonkers especially, since he didn't wear shoes.

"I'm not seeing anything immediately… don't let anyone in until we can send the evidence guys over, okay?"

"I'm not touching that apartment with a forty-foot pole if you think there might have been a crime in there. I gotta uphold this building's reputation," the manager sneered.

"Excuse me?" a Toon possum said, sticking her head out of two doors down.

"Sorry if we're being loud, ma'am, we're just on our way out," Miranda informed her.

"That's not it," she said, stepping out of her doorway. "Did something happen? Pete was my friend."

"We can't say anything yet, ma'am, but if you could tell us if you've seen Pete recently or if Pete had any visitors that would be very helpful," Miranda answered with a nod.

"That's why I stuck my head out. I work the night shift. He leaves for work right as I get home from work. We both live alone so we keep tabs on each other. Well, I saw him talking to a blue bear and a grey donkey this morning. I didn't say anything to him since I didn't want to interrupt his conversation. Didn't hear what the conversation was about though- I'm not the eavesdropping type," she said proudly.

Bonkers face lit up. "Bubba was here too?" he asked.

"I didn't know their names."

"Can we get you to sign this as an official witness statement?" Miranda asked.

"Sure as pie I will," the possum said. "I didn't like the look of that bear. Seemed shifty."

"Bubba's not shifty!" Bonkers said defensively.

"I take it you know him?" Miranda asked, as the possum nodded her head to them and disappeared back inside her apartment.

"Sure, I met him on my first real case as an officer! Real nice guy! Great laugh! Even the chief liked him!"

"Well, maybe Bubba is who we need to speak to next," Miranda nodded as she crossed her arms and leaned on the apartment wall, looking down at Bonkers with a smile. His enthusiasm was infectious.

"That's easy, I have Bubba's number!" he said, waving his phone. "He gave it to me after the case. He also signed my tail."

"He signed your tail? But didn't it wash off?" Miranda asked as she watched Bonkers tapping on his phone with his oversized gloved fingers.

"Oh, I've still got that tail at home. This is my spare tail," he said, waving his butt at her.

"Spare tail? I… honestly don't know why that surprises me. But what if you have an emergency and need your spare tail, then what?"

"Then I use my spare-spare tail. If my spare-spare tail wears out, I use my spare-spare-spare tail. And if that wears out-"

"I get the picture, Bonkers," Miranda said with a laugh, holding up her hands in a gesture of defeat. "Just how many tails do you have?"

"Tails-r-us was having a great sale on tails so I bought a lot," he said. He held the phone up to his ear. "Hey Bubba, it's me, Bonkers!"

"Oh, Bonkers, how nice to hear from you. It's been years, hasn't it?"

"Well it's been awhile… hey, were you at Pete Parrot's apartment this morning?"

"Pete Parrot? Well yes… he's part of my old crew, you know. We got together to do some reminiscing. We're heading down to Wackytoons now. Why not join us?"

Bonkers was taken aback by Bubba's casual response. "Umm… Pete and Dan's jobs and relatives are worried about them. How come they're with you instead of going to work?"

"Oh, we are going to work. They've quit those mundane jobs. We're heading back to where we belong. Going to get the rest of the crew on the way. Why don't you come too, Bonkers? Don't you miss being a star?"

"Bubba, you're kinda scaring me…"

"We'll all be waiting for your answer," Bubba responded coldly before hanging up. Bonkers looked up at Miranda. "Um, I think we gotta get to Wackytoons like right now."

Miranda pulled up outside of Wackytoons studio and jumped out of their squad car. "I can't believe how long that took! We should have been here a half hour ago if this thing hadn't kept trying to stop for fast food. I need to get this stupid GPS fixed," Miranda grumbled, following Bonkers up to the front gate.

"Halt!" the front gate guard said, putting up his hands. He was a skinny, short man with a distinct visual similarity to Barney Fife.

"Police business," Miranda said, pointing to her badge.

"Hmph. I didn't call the police. No one told me they called the police," he said, blocking the way.

"This is serious, people and Toons may be in danger," Miranda snapped.

"Oh really? Well, let's see… nope, no police on the gate list. Sorry," he said, looking over his list.

"What part of 'we don't have time to argue about this do you not understand?" Miranda shouted back in exasperation.

"What part of 'you're not on the list, I didn't get told to let any police in, and I certainly don't see any warrant' do you not understand? Just because you're cops doesn't mean you can sneak in here for a free preview of what we're filming," he answered calmly back in his squeaky little voice.

"What? That's what you think we- look, guy, we don't need a warrant if we have reasonable suspicion that someone's life is in danger, and we have that." Bonkers was watching the verbal tennis between them, bobbing his head back and forth.

"It's all right, my dear sir, I asked Bonkers to meet me here," a smooth voice said behind them. They turned around to find Bubba and the rest of the main characters from his show standing behind them.

"Bubba!" Bonkers cried happily.

"I don't have any Bubba on the list, either, so your little group can all pack up and go somewhere else," the guard said, making a disdainful 'shoo-shoo' gesture with his hands."

"I think you need to check that list again," Bubba said, raising his remote.

"Bonkers, get down," Miranda shouted, grabbing Bonkers and pulling both of them out of the way as Bubba zapped the guard. Where a fully grown man had previously stood, an infant now sat in the guard's clothes, burbling in a happy and confused manner.

"What did you do to him?" Bonkers cried, wiggling out from Miranda's grip.

"It's okay. Babies love me," Bubba said cooly.

"Hey, Bubba, man, the bobcat is right," Dan said. "That wasn't cool."

"Yeah, what did you do to that human?" Pete asked in alarm.

"Oh, right, right. Ha ha I'm so forgetful," Bubba said, placing two fingers between his eyes in a gesture meant to indicate his forgetfulness. "A minute or so back should fix this," he said, turning around and zapping his crew. They blinked in confusion for a moment.

Pete finally spoke up, pointing one wing. "Hey, someone left a baby on the lot!"

"Of course, that's why this nice lady cop is here. To take the lost baby."

Miranda and Bonkers took a defensive post. "That's not why we're here and you know it, Bubba. Hand over that remote!" Miranda shouted sternly, body tense and ready to spring into action at the drop of a pin.

"Miss… I don't think we've met, actually. But it seems you're a friend of Bonkers. For that reason, I'm giving you the chance to get out of here the way you walked in. I'd recommend you take that chance," Bubba said dully.

"Bubba, stop, why are you doing this?" Bonkers said, stepping in front of Miranda and holding his arms wide as if to protect Miranda.

Bubba looked down at the ground. His hat cast a shadow over his eyes "Hee hee… hee hee… HAW HAW!" Bubba said, suddenly throwing his head back and letting out a deep, menacing laugh completely unlike his usually high-pitched repetitive giggle. Shudders ran down Bonkers' spine and his tail fluffed out in response to the sound.

"You don't get it, do you, Bonkers?! You found a nice cushy job with the city right after you got fired. My friends and I- we had to struggle! You became famous again for being the first Toon cop. I became a faded old forgotten nobody. Do you know what that was like?"

Bonkers took a step back and dropped his arms. His ears flattened against his head. "Bubba, I- I didn't know-"

"Yes, because you never called. You never asked. No one did. It turns out, though, that I guess I just couldn't BEAR it!" Bubba said, eyes wide and crazy. He grinned at Bonkers with a smile that made his blood run cold. "It's okay, though, Bonkers, I forgive you. It's not good to have bad blood between friends." He raised the remote.

"Bonkers, look out!" Miranda cried. Bonkers turned around and realized Bubba's aim wasn't at him- it was at her.

"No, you look out!" he cried, jumping up and knocking Miranda down. As he did, the blast from the remote hit him square on in the side. He cried out, the impact throwing him a few feet before he landed on his side.

"Bonkers!" Miranda cried from where she had landed on the ground.

Bonkers blinked his big eyes. "That's my name, don't wear it out-" he said groggily, sitting up and rubbing his head. "Where am I? And why am I wearing a police uniform?" he asked.

"Oh no," Miranda gasped.

"You got the wrong costume from the costume department. You should be dressed like a pirate. You're joining my show today, remember?"

"What about my show?" Bonkers asked. "They'll be waiting for me!"

"You don't remember your show is on hiatus so you can guest star for us? You see, it seems our captain moved to the other side of the country, and I don't have the time to go after him. You'll do fine as our new captain, Bonkers."

"But I really can't leave everyone on my show-"

"They understand. It's all been worked out, remember?"

Bonkers rubbed his head. "No?"

"Don't listen to him, Bonkers, he-" Miranda stopped cold in mid-sentence as Bubba casually pointed the remote in her direction while looking at Bonkers.

"Who is that?" Bonkers asked, looking directly at Miranda. She knew it wasn't his fault, but hearing him say that still stung.

"The cop who came to pick up a lost baby. Isn't that right, Miss?" Bubba grinned, holding the remote directly at her. Miranda gritted her teeth and clenched her fist.

"Right. I've come to get the baby," she said coldly. Her steps were like those of a robot, measured and mechanical, as she walked over to the infant under the gaze of Bubba's remote.

"Good girl," Bubba said as she lifted the baby.

"You're not going to get away with this," Miranda hissed quietly.

"I welcome you to stop me," he whispered as he walked past, taking the rest of the Toons into the studio with him.

THE CHIBI-FIED BONKERS ROCKET BOUNCES A FEW TIMES A IT LANDS NEXT TO A CONFUSED-LOOKING CHIBI FAWN.

"We'll be right back!"


	3. Chapter 3

CHIBI-BONKERS, NOW RETURNED TO NORMAL, IS GETTING BANDAGES FROM CHIBI-FAWN. HE HAS HEARTS FLOATING OVER HIS HEAD.

"And we're back."

"So that's what happened," Miranda said to Grating. The baby security guard giggled and wiggled, sitting on Miranda's desk.

Grating gave the baby the side-eye. "You put a diaper on that, right?" he asked.

"Sir, focus please!" Miranda pleaded. "We have to rescue Bonkers and stop Bubba."

"How, if this remote can zap humans into babies?" Grating said with a broad sweep of his hand in the baby's direction. "Hey, don't do that!" he growled as he pulled his pen out of its mouth.

"We have to figure out how to stop a remote," Miranda answered.

Grating rolled his eyes. "Right, let's just wrap ourselves up in tin foil like a pair of baked potatoes and-" he stopped, seeing the expression on Miranda's face. "No. I am not. No."

About an hour later, though, Grating found himself outside of Wackytoon studio, his entire body covered in tin foil. Only his eyes showed through. "This isn't going to work and I'm hot," he grunted.

Miranda was similarly wearing a tin foil suit of armor. She was holding the baby, who was only wearing tin foil over his diaper, since they needed to zap him back to normal. "It was the best idea we had," Miranda mumbled back through the tin foil.

They crept into the studio… or rather they tried to creep in, because they were crinkling like mad with every move they made. Fortunately, though, Bubba had his attention elsewhere. He was standing over a pair of captive script writers, using his remote to force them to churn out new scripts at high speed.

"There he is," Miranda whispered.

"What is the plan?" Grating sighed.

"Goo," said the baby.

"Simple, we attack from two different sides and get the remote. Bubba can't shoot in two directions at once. We just have to get that remote away from him."

"Good, because I'm not sure my knees are up to taking down a Toon of that size. What about the baby?"

"The baby is our lookout," Miranda said seriously.

"Goo," said the baby again, waving a tiny set of binoculars.

"This job will never stop getting weirder, will it?" he mumbled as Miranda set down the baby. "Well, let's get this over with. Hey, afterwards, you think we could shave a few years off-"

"No!" Miranda answered. "Let's go!"

They charged. Bubba snapped his head up. "You don't know when to quit!" he snapped, raising his remote. He hit the button. Behind his head, a plant suddenly shrunk back from fully grown to a seedling. "What the-" he asked, looking behind him.

"The foil is working!" Miranda shouted to Grating.

"Clever girl," Bubba smirked.

"What's going on?" Bonkers shouted from where he was standing with the other Toons. They voiced a similar chorus of confusion.

"Stay where you are and let me handle this," Bubba snapped. "So I can't use my remote on you. Well, I just have to use my remote on ME until I rip that silly tinfoil right off your bodies!" he roared, turning the remote inward and hitting fast forward. He disappeared.

"What happened?" Grating asked. In the blink of an eye, Bubba appeared directly in front of him, driving his fist into Grating's gut. He let out a groan of pain as he was thrown backwards by the force.

"Sir!" Miranda cried.

"Bubba, what are you doing?" Bonkers shouted, hands up to his mouth in shock.

"I told you to back off and let me handle this," he snarled, taking a step towards Grating, who was trying to scoot backwards across the damaged set.

"No… this is wrong!" Bonkers cried. He rushed Bubba from behind. Bubba had just barely started to turn around when Bonkers jumped on Bubba's back. "Hey lady, catch!" he cried as he snatched the remote and threw it to Miranda.

"You little pest!" Bubba grabbed Bonkers off his back and slammed him head-first into the set.

"Ooooooh, that hurts…" Bonkers moaned.

"Give me that!" he shouted, charging Miranda. She ran, but her tinfoil armor was greatly hindering her.

"Sergeant! Go long!" she shouted, tossing the remote back to Grating, who was just stumbling back to his feet. Despite a few fumbles, he managed to catch it. "Get the guard and the Toons back to normal!" Miranda shouted right as Bubba slammed his shoulder into her mid-section at top speed. She fell backwards, spit flying out of her mouth, the wind thoroughly knocked out of her lungs.

"GIVE ME BACK MY REMOTE, FAT MAN!" Bubba roared as he charged back towards Grating. Grating started to run, but perhaps the fat man part was a little bit true- he wasn't moving very fast. He huffed as Bubba started to catch up. Right as Grating was about to get caught, the smashed Bonkers reached up and grabbed Bubba's ankle, tripping him. Bubba went face-first into the set with a loud smash as Grating skidding around the corner. He aimed the remote at the guard.

"Right, fast forward I guess?" he said as he hit the button. The guard zapped back into an adult, then into an old man. "Too far forward!" Grating said, hitting rewind. When the guard was back to normal age he hit stop. The guard looked around, bewildered. It only took him a few seconds, though, to realize he was standing around wearing only a diaper and tinfoil. He shrieked and took off running.

"He could have thanked me," Grating said in annoyance.

Behind him, Bubba suddenly ripped the door right off the studio and threw it. His eyes were practically glowing with rage. He was huffing and drooling. "GIVE. ME. MY. REMOTE!" he demanded, charging Grating with a roar. He threw the full force of his weight into Grating. The remote flew up in the air. "NO!" he cried, watching it make a dramatic arc before it came down hard... right onto the studio pavement. There was a sickening clack sound and the remote smashed into a million pieces. Bubba let out a shriek of agony as he suddenly turned multi-colored, just an outline with dozens of colors swirling inside it. Grating stared in horror as the glowing form of Bubba rose up, stumbled towards the remote, stretched its Technicolor arms into the air and screamed… and then collapsed.

The other Toons and Miranda ran outside. "What happened?" Miranda demanded.

"The remote got smashed…" Grating said distantly, a distinct look of horror on his face. Bubba's outline, lying on the ground, was now filled with static like the snow of a television without a signal. "And that happened."

Bubba suddenly flickered and returned to normal. Except, he was old. Very old. He was covered in wrinkles. His limbs were scrawny. A long white beard went from his face down to his knees, and he appeared to have lost all this teeth.

"Ew," one of the Toons said, although Miranda wasn't sure which one.

Bubba slowly opened his eyes. In a creaky voice, he said "Bonkers… Dan… Pete… everyone… I'm sorry." He was breathing as if he'd just run a marathon, barely able to speak. "I don't know what came over me…" with that, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Later, Miranda watched the Toon ambulance take Bubba away. The loved ones of the Toons Bubba had zapped stood around. Dan was shaking his head and his wife was sobbing. He no longer remembered her, and the other Toons were in the same boat.

Bonkers sheepishly approached Miranda. "Um, lady cop? Did I do the right thing?" he asked.

"You did. You were a hero, Bonkers, even when you didn't consciously know what you were doing. That's why I'm proud that you're my partner."

Bonkers' eyes got huge again. "I'm a COP?!" he cried gleefully. "With a hot lady partner? Wow you're even blonde!" he said enthusiastically, hopping up and down in place. "Oh wow, wow!"

"Let me guess, Bubba zapped him, too," Grating said dryly. "Well, since he doesn't remember being a cop, I suppose I can just take his badge and-"

"With all respect due to a superior, sir, don't you dare," Miranda said, looking at Grating with narrowed eyes.

"Well, this is certainly going to make things this week complicated," Grating shrugged, rubbing his chin. "You see, right before you burst into my office this afternoon, I had just gotten news. The chief of police of New York City saw Shirley's broadcast and thought having a Toon Division was a great idea. So, he's sending you two of his officers to train in the proper running of a Toon Division. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier," he said with one of his patented evil Grating smiles.

Bonkers was still bouncing around crying "Oh boy I'm a cop I'm a cop." Miranda stared, open-mouthed, at Grating.

"You're kidding."

"Tell me how often I kid."

Miranda pulled up to her house. She was exhausted down to her last ounce of energy. She'd had to show Bonkers back to his trailer, since he didn't remember it, and explain the situation to the Toons he lived with. Fortunately they were extremely understanding and helpful, in that way that Toons try to be helpful but sometimes really aren't.

As she slumped up towards her door, a car honked behind her. Miranda turned around slowly. There was a taxi sitting in the road, and her sister Shirley standing halfway out of the taxi. "Shirley? What are you doing here? I mean, doing here again?!"

"Didn't you get my texts?" Shirley asked. "Our station is doing a big two-hour special on the 100th Anniversary of Wackytoons and the girl who was SUPPOSED to cover it went and got a nasty case of food poisoning and landed herself in the hospital. The shooting schedule can't wait for her so I had to pack up with only two hours' notice and fly out here. "

"You know I don't check my text messages. Why didn't you try to call me?" she asked as she watched the taxi driver unload Shirley's luggage.

"Mir, Mir, Mir. What if my call caused your phone to go off while you were just about to ambush a bad guy and gave away your element of surprise? I couldn't risk putting my baby sister's life in danger like that!"

"Well… what are you doing here? You usually stay in a hotel."

"The good hotels don't have any openings and I'm certainly not staying in the dump they got for Missy Food Poisoning. So I figured, sister time!" she grinned, holding her arms wide. "Hugs!"

Miranda closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Shirley, I'm going to pretend I didn't see you tonight, so I can deal with this in the morning. Good night."

"Aren't you going to help me with my luggage? Mir?!" Shirley shouted, but Miranda had already retreated into her house, at least leaving the door unlocked for Shirley. "Hmph, that girl is so ungrateful," Shirley huffed as she started dragging her own suitcases to the door.

Meanwhile, in a dark room, far across the city of Hollywood, the Prop Box sat quietly, the chains that had formerly bound it lay in a heap beside it on the hard wood floor.


End file.
